


alone

by lesbianism101



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Be More Chill - Freeform, Depression, M/M, My First AO3 Post, Sad, angst lmao, i love rich, i'm projecting onto him, just a gayboy being sad, sad gay hours
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-21 01:42:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16149896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianism101/pseuds/lesbianism101
Summary: v short little angsty oneshot from rich's perspective. this is my first time uploading here so sorry if it's shit lmao. it ends somewhat happily don't worry.





	alone

**Author's Note:**

> TW: mentions of depression, nothing too serious i'm just being safe

no one ever asked how rich was.

not like they really wanted to know anyway.  
when he got his squip his life had changed. and even though he knew it should’ve felt good, it didn’t. rich goranski was alone. his brother was never home, his dad was always drinking, and his mom left them. just like everyone else eventually would. he thought the squip would make his life easier. in some ways, it did. it took away his lisp, helped his posture straighten, cleared his brain of the depression he so constantly felt. but being in the spotlight was hard, and sometimes he wished he could just go back to being invisible.

after the play, after michael brought him the red mountain dew, he felt alone. the squip had been there for so long that now he had no idea what to do. his lisp was back, and he hated it. it was so frustrating, he felt like he couldn’t do anything right, that it made him weak.

going back to school was tough. everyone expected this super cool dude, but instead they got him, rich goranski, no one.  
with jake he felt okay. and only with him. sure the play incident had left him with more friends but he still felt more alone than ever. and uglier than ever too. everyday when he woke up he had to look at himself in the mirror, had to look at the burns that covered his body, the burns that made him ugly and he cried. just stood there in his room, crying to himself, only proving to himself that he really was weak.

but with jake he felt happy. and he cherished it. but he knew he didn’t deserve it. after all, he was the one who set the fire, he was the reason jake broke his legs, and lost his house. he hadn’t wanted jake to get hurt, only himself. always himself.  
he told jake this one day. hot tears streaming down his face as he told him everything. his dad’s abuse, his depression, his mom leaving. everything. and jake had cried with him. he told him that he _was_ worth it, that he wasn’t ugly, wasn’t gross.  
and for the first time? rich believed it.


End file.
